Genius To Idiot In Three Cognacs
by highmaintenance
Summary: After a night of heavy drinking, Charles admits his true feelings for BJ. Slash.


**DISCLAIMER: I don't own MASH!!!**

**I wrote this after a humiliating night of drinking. I guess you could say this is a kind of catharisis.**

**Please read and review, guys!**

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When I was in Boston I never used to get drunk. When Honoria and I would attend our usual society dinners I would certainly drink but to a certain extent. I used to know when to stop before I humiliated myself.

That is, unfortunately, not the case here. There is only one reason the people in this God forsaken camp drink and that is to get completely numb from the brain down.

I do not like being drunk at all. When I am inebriated I lose all class. I laugh and snort and divulge some very embarrassing things. Pierce will never let me forget the time that I revealed I slept with a teddy bear until I was 14.

Fortunately I have managed to keep my inebriation under control as well as my sobriety. But last night I went too far.

It had been a rather trying day in OR. The Chinese sent out an offensive on a troupe of Australian and New Zealand soldiers and this resulted in many wounded and a 23 hour OR session.

I lost five soldiers.

I admit that I went to the Officers Club wallowing in my own self pity. Pierce, Margaret and Hunnicutt attempted to make me feel better which only made me feel worse.

The evening itself is sketchy. I recall consuming at least 6 cognacs and then foolishly switching to scotch. The room was swimming and the alcohol loosened my tongue, as it were, and there was nothing I could do to stem the flow of words.

I do remember Pierce leaning on my left shoulder whilst talking to Hunnicutt who was leaning on my right. Their friendship has always been the cause for jealousy on my part. I have never had any really close friends in my life time. There have been couples that I invite to Winchester Manor for dinner and individuals that I spend leisure time with but these always seem out of necessity rather than companionship.

The warmth and camaraderie of the Captains relationship has always made me simultaneously jealous and happy. They truly are my best friends.

What boggles the mind is that I kept this information secret and let my feelings for Hunnicutt surface instead.

I remember the look on BJ's moustached face when I declared my love for him, a mixture of amusement and pity. He leant down and slurred into my ear that he was with Pierce. I imagine that he thought I would forget this information 'the morning after'.

I did not, of course. I was far from discouraged and…it is at this point where the memories, however blurred, become very painful to recall.

I remember leaning over and kissing Hunnicutt on the cheek just above his moustache…and promptly passing out.

The shame that I am feeling at this moment is overwhelming. I refuse to go to breakfast, partly because I feel extremely ill and partly because I am deeply ashamed and embarrassed to look Hunnicutt in the eye.

Pierce may also be less than civil to me than usual if he remembers that I tried to kiss his lover.

So I shall lie here on my cot and pretend to sleep when anyone comes in and contemplate what to do when I am alone. I believe that I shall feign ignorance of my actions when I finally show myself.

I just wish my passion for Margaret outweighed my passion for Hunnicutt. It would have made my inebriate behaviour much less incriminating if I had tried to kiss her instead.

A noise distracts me from these inane thoughts and I see that Hunnicutt is approaching the Swamp. Oh God, I cannot face him now.

I close my eyes just as he opens the door and I can sense that he is facing in my direction.

'Charles? Charles, are you awake?'

Lord, he sounds so concerned. Why?

I hear Hunnicutt come closer and he kneels next to my bed. I try desperately to keep my eyelids from fluttering.

And then he kisses me.

Hunnicutt's lips are surprisingly soft and I want so desperately to be able to kiss back but this will give way to my conscious state and thus, ruin the moment.

BJ rises and goes to the door of the Swamp.

'I do love you Charles, but I love Hawkeye more. I'm sorry.'

BJ's parting words cut me deeply and it is at that moment I am truly thankful that my eyes are closed.

I could not hide the tears if they weren't.

END

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**Until next time.**

**Abyssinia, Lucy**


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